Phrases We Swore We'd NEVER Say but Probably Do

In my recent post about decoding Momisms, I realized that not only have I officially become a mother, I may have officially become MY mother. Not that she was bad, she was and is wonderful, but she spoke a language of cliche "parentese" that I swore would never pass my lips. No, I would never say "Because I said so," as I intended to have long conversations with my brilliant offspring in which I would explain my decision and discuss my reasoning ad nauseum.

I mean, they deserved to be talked to like adults, right? No quickie threats, or illogical arguments? Well, at least that's what I assumed when I was one of them. Now, I realize those phrases were uttered to stop from have conversations ad nauseum about EVERY LITTLE THING or because they were simply quick, to the point, and preserved sanity.

Here's a list of those things we swore we never say categorized by style -- the question is, how many of these and how many have passed your lips? (I've already said variations of 13 of them and I appear to lean towards the illogical and the sarcastic, but I'll throw in a threat every once in a while -- you know, to spice things up.)

The Illogical:

  • Don't look at me with those eyes.
  • Children are to be seen, not heard.
  • If you keep making that face, it'll freeze that way.

MORE from Jenny and TheSuburbanJungle: What Those V-Day Conversation Hearts Should REALLY Say (after marriage and children)

  • If you want to act like a child, I'll treat you like one.
  • Quiet down, I can't even hear myself think.
  • One day you'll thank me.
  • Because I said so, that's why!

The Logical:

  • As long as you're under my roof, you live by my rules.
  • G-d gave you a brain, use it.
  • Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer.

The Sarcastic:

  • Are your legs broken?
  • If all your friends jumped off a bridge would you?
  • Oh, Jen's mom lets her do (Blank), fine go live with Jen's mom … I'll help you pack.
  • Shut the door, were you born in a barn?
  • Your room looks like a cyclone ran through it.
  • Talking to you is like talking to a brick wall.
  • Let's play the quiet game.

MORE From Jenny and TheSuburbanJungle: You're Not Officially a Mom Until You've Uttered This Phrase

  • Someone better be bleeding.
  • Where are your manners - were you raised by wolves?

The Threatening:

  • I'm not asking, I'm telling.
  • When you have kids I hope they're just like you.
  • Don't you use that tone with me Mister/Missy.
  • Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about.
  • You better wipe that look off your face.
  • Don't make me: tell you again / come back there / turn this car around et al.

Well what's your score and what did I miss?


20 Momisms Translated - What We REALLY Mean

Jenny Isenman AKA Jenny From the Blog is the humorist behind The Suburban Twelve years ago she answered this ad: "Seeking highly motivated person, who requires little sleep, to cook, clean, wipe tushies, noses, and countertops… oh, and provide occasional sex. Person will be overworked and under-appreciated. Prior experience is frowned upon. Always on duty. Will pay nothing." I mean, she got married and started a family.

An on air lifestyle expert and mom of 2, her work has been published in numerous national magazines and websites. you can also check out her musings on Facebook and Twitter and Pinterest.