See, See My Frenemy, Come Out and Hate on Me

See, see my frenemy,
Come out and hate on me,
And bring your insults three
Pretend to compliment me
Then quietly call me a " w----"
As I walk out the door,
And we'll be jolly frenemies
forever more...

In middle school or high school, it seems pretty normal to have a few enemies. And in most cases, you probably deserve not to be liked here and there. You blabbed a secret to someone, decided you liked Johnny even though your best friend said she liked him first, made fun of someone behind their back and got caught via 3-way calling. (Did any of you do that in high school? OMG! The girls I went to school with did and it was brutal.)

Thanks to the 2004 movie, Mean Girls, the term "frenemy" got lots of attention. It's a friend, and also an enemy. How convenient! Someone who is nice to you to your face, they don't have your best interests at heart. It's shady and confusing. You can learn how to spot one in an article on eHow, How to Spot a Frenemy.

MommyQ wants to know how you go about transitioning a frenemy to a plain old enemy. Why? Because doing the "frenemy" thing is way too time-consuming and exhausting. Trying to be nice to someone who detests you is no easy feat. Not to mention it's rather stressful. And when you're a mom in your mid-30s, you just accept the fact that not everyone will like you. It's not devastating like it was when you were a teenager and really wanted everyone to like you. As a mom, you can accept these things gracefully. After dealing with dirty diapers, being puked on and the joys of labor, being disliked just doesn't seem like a big deal.

I can't explain why, but some women don't like other women for no good reason. I could meet a woman for the very first time - we have no history, so it's a totally clean slate. We could chat throughout the evening and share stories about our kids, laughing, smiling, etc. Yet afterward, she doesn't like me. She would never tell me to my face, but it's true. And I did nothing to deserve it. I didn't flirt with her husband or manipulate the conversation or condescend her in any way, shape or form. Yet, she detests me. I can't prove it, but my instincts tell me so. She will always be extremely friendly in person and I'll start to think my instincts are wrong. But if I run into her with her friends, I will most certainly hear some giggling and snickering when I walk away. Come on, ladies. This has happened to you too, right?

Maybe she sees you as a threat or maybe she just doesn't have room in her life for one more friend or maybe you just rub her the wrong way. Regardless of the REAL reason, she'll probably never tell you to your face that she dislikes you. And what does this mean? Through no fault of your own, you've just won a new frenemy. Congrats!

So ladies, what's the solution? Do you have frenemies? Moms, do you have momemies? (Moms that pretend to be your friends.) If so, how do you handle them? Shall we play the frenemy game forever or just tell them off - nothing wrong with having a good old-fashioned enemy, right? ;-)

[Note: It should be clear that I'm making light of a potentially serious topic. Obviously, the whole frenemy thing can be really painful for youngsters.]