Sleeping Through the Night -- Motherhood Confessions

Sleeping through the night.

we. are. not.

Negative. Not happening. Failure.

My awesome sleep training? Oh, it's workin' alright - on ME. Boy has got me wrapped around his little finger.

We had made so much progress, too! The little man had become a crib-napping champion and was going down with ease only waking once or twice. But after being sick and sleeping on mommy (and her crumbling bones) for three nights straight, we went back to square one.

Bottom line - and I know this is controversial, and I know that it's the tried and true "way to do it." - I do not believe in traditional cry-it-out methods and I will not do them. Ever.

What I hate so much about the whole "sleeping though the night concept" is that it makes moms feel like crap. Like I'm doing something wrong. Like I'm incapable. Like I'm letting my baby develop poor sleeping habits. Like I'm enabling him. Like I haven't tried 2875 methods. Like I don't stick to the same bedtime routine - we do! Like I don't put him down at an early enough hour - we do!

What is so magical about "sleeping through the night?" and why does it make the mommies who just aren't there yet feel less-than-adequate?

I mean, how can we expect our little guy to sleep through the night when I can't even sleep through the night? I get up to go to the bathroom, get a drink of water, turn over, take off a layer of clothing, etc. The difference? I'm an adult. An adult in a cozy bed sleeping next to the man I love. I wonder how well I would sleep if someone plopped me in a crib with nothing but a fitted mattress sheet (no blankets! SIDS! no stuffed animals! SIDS!) and expected me to "sleep thought the night."

People, I am tired. I am broken. I feel helpless and at times I feel like I'm failing as a mommy. I spend HOURS scouring the interwebs looking for new suggestions, glimpses of magical hope - Nada.

I guess I share this with you because I want other moms out there who are going through the same thing to know that you are not alone.

Society leads us to believe that if our kid isn't sleeping through the night by 6 months of age we are doing something wrong. I'm sorry, but if responding to my little guy when he's red-faced and screaming with crocodile tears running down his face is wrong, I don't want to be right.

So instead - I forge on. Instead, I lay down on the floor next to his crib and sing him songs as he looks at me and cries. I rub his back as he squirms around, trying to grab onto my clothing. And when he falls asleep standing up in his crib with his head in his hands, I gingerly lay him down, resisting the urge to snap a photo. I then relax with my husband for a few hours and go to bed early, knowing I'll be repeating the same thing 3-4 more times - 2, if I'm lucky.

So to the other moms who's littles are NOT sleeping through the night - you are not alone. Let's all send each other good vibes while our backs give out and our vocal chords develop nodules from signing 2380 too many renditions of "sing a song of sixpense " and "twinkle twinkle" tonight, OK?

Motherhood isn't always glamorous (actually, when is it EVER glamorous?). We don't know what we're doing 98% percent of the time. But we learn - we adapt - and we make do. And we drink lots of Snapple.