Terrifying Ad Causes Breastfeeders to Panic with Bizarre Message

One of the biggest fears women have about breastfeedingbefore they breastfeed is that it will hurt. We worry that our nipples are going to feel like they are being ripped off and it will be painful and we won't experience that bonding joy and incredible hormones that many say we will have. I was scared to breastfeed. Petrified! I overcame that and went on to breastfeed my twins for a year and a half, and would have kept going if they didn't self-wean. (I'm still heartbroken over that.)

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But before I was all 'breastfeeding mama,' if I was leafing through a maternity magazine and saw this terrifying ad for nipple cream (after the jump) that basically says that my sweet little newborn is going to chew off my nipple and burp it back up, I know that wouldn't make me look forward to breastfeeding. See the ad for yourself ....

First of all, this mom has really strong arms. How is she holding baby up like that? Clearly she pumps some serious iron and might even have a personal trainer or two. She looks amazing for having recently had a little one.

Let's remember that a newborn baby is just like a vampire. All pregnant women should know that infants come complete with sharp fangs and an unrelenting quest for blood. So of course little Junior is going suck and then bite your nipple right off, making you deformed and in pain for the rest of your life.

Of course that isn't true. Except for the pain for the rest of your life part. That just comes with the territory of being a mom. Loving another person that much is just heartache. A massively wonderful heartache. But that has nothing to do with breastfeeding. Well it can, as I mentioned earlier, I still have heartache that my wee ones decided to quit nursing before I was ready. But I just see it as a learning for when they leave the nest completely someday. But I'll always be able to just look down at my missing nipples and remember my kids with fond memories.

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Back to the ad. It's for Garmastan lotion. Blogger The Alpha Parent has the actual Lithuanian magazine where the ad appears, and as we can see it screams: "BREASTFEEDING HURTS" in ALL CAPS (THEY ARE SHOUTING!!!), and the rest of the prints says: "See, your baby is hungry 12 times a day, and that much of breastfeeding makes your nipples very sensitive. They become sore and may even crack. But it will not be a torture if you use Garmastan before and after the feeding." I think perhaps some of it gets lost in translation, but if that doesn't scare you worse than the squeeze the watermelon out of your vagina and it will never go back to its normal size myth, the two pages are glued together.

Oh yes, you read that correctly. Glued! You have to tear them apart to read the page, and as you do so, you rip off mama's nipple so baby can devour it and poop it out a few hours later. Lovely, isn't it? Maybe Lithuanians have different advertising tactics. That's all I can think of. But this is just completely and outrageously such an amazing service they are doing for any mom scared to breastfeed. DON'T DO IT!

You all know I'm joking right? Absurd, people! This is absurd. I'm here to tell you that I breastfed twins even when they got teeth and I proudly still have my nipples.

This is not-so-smart of this product Garmastan's part -- they are unnecessarily freaking out the very clientele they hope to get, which could result in moms not breastfeeding at all. I can't help but wonder who came up with the concept. Seems to me that it's a person who has no understanding of breastfeeding. And who may even find the act revolting. Because, you know, it can result in a missing nipple. No one wants that.

Does this ad upset you? Why do you think they were this harsh in their advertising? Do you feel it's very anti-breastfeeding?

Main image via wonderferret/Flickr

Written by Michele Zipp for CafeMom's blog, The Stir.

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