This Dad Wants His Daughter to Have Good Sex. Is That So Wrong?

Facebook/Ferrett SteinmetzOf all the life lessons your dad taught you, having awesome sex probably wasn’t one of them.

Unless you’re the daughter of blogger Ferrett Steinmetz, who on Monday, penned a post called “Dear Daughter. I Hope You Have Some F****ing Awesome Sex.”

Steinmetz’s post was in response to a Fetlife story titled “10 Rules For Dating My Daughter” which included tidbits such as, “Rule Four: I’m sure you’ve been told that in today’s world, sex without utilizing some kind of ‘barrier method’ can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.”

Frustrated that society barraged his two daughters with messages that pre-marital sex makes them slutty, men are sex-crazed beasts, and at the notion that it’s a father’s job to prevent both from happening, Steinmetz wrote the following to his daughter:

“Consensual sex isn’t something that men take from you; it’s something you give. It doesn’t lessen you to give someone else pleasure. It doesn’t degrade you to have some of your own. And anyone who implies otherwise is a man who probably thinks very poorly of women underneath the surface.

“…I won’t tell you sex is bad, or that you’re bad for wanting it, or that other people are bad from wanting it from you if you’re willing to give it. I refuse to perpetuate, even through the plausible deniability of humor, the idea that the people my daughter is attracted to are my enemy.

Steinmetz goes on to explain that he's not his daughter's keeper—that instead, his role is to listen, guide, and be an unconditional safe haven for his daughter when the world gets too tough. He ends with, “That’s what I want for you, sweetie. A bold life filled with big mistakes and bigger triumphs. Now get out there and find all the things you f***ing love, and vice versa.”

Unsurprisingly, Steinmetz’s post triggered a feisty debate about parental boundaries. After it was re-posted on The Good Men Project, it went viral, garnering 30,000 likes on Facebook and stirred controversy in the blogosphere. In a world where young girls attend “purity balls” with their fathers pledging to remain virgins until marriage, is Steinmetz the coolest, most progressive dad ever—or is he creepy and out of line?

Steinmetz doesn't seem concerned with the answer. In a follow-up post, he wrote, "People share things this widely because they wish they’d said it themselves, and as an author, I just feel grateful that I’ve articulated this churning wellspring enough that it resonated."