User post: Moms, can we please stop making kids parties so over the top?

Hey parents! Can you we stop renting out ballrooms for preschool-aged children's birthday parties and save it for the bar mitzvah?

Seriously, if I receive another gold-engraved invitation to attend a celebration for a person born in the last five years, I am going to march right over to those parents' home and pin a tail on their donkey asses.

I'm a huge fan of the old school birthday party. You invite over some family or playmates, blow up a few balloons, set out some healthy snacks or order a gooey pizza, play a couple age-appropriate games and sing around a cake.

Maybe you spring for a piñata, give out some modest goodie bags of lollipops and new pencils, or have the kids make a simple craft to take home. If you're inviting the kid attendees' parents to hang around too, brew some coffee or pick up some sodas. I also think beer or "game day" cocktails are a nice, mellowing touch since these events can be a bit shrill, but maybe that's just the lush in me.

And that's it. You have a lovely birthday party that pleases your child and the guests.

You don't need to hire the Rockettes to perform, commission sky writing, book the Peacock Room at the Willard or create personalized favors for every little Madison and Cameron on the guest list. You do not need to succumb to the pressure in the DC area to host a massive wedding reception-scale party for your child every freaking year.

However, it is sometimes fun or necessary to host the party at an off-site location. Maybe you have a huge group that you can't pare down or fit inside your pad. Maybe you don't feel like vacuuming before the party or getting Hawaiian punch out of your carpet afterward.

First stop, think about any free or relatively reasonable spaces you can use. A relative's house. The park at the end of your street. Some of my friends' churches allow members to use the multipurpose room for parties for free or a small (tax-deductible) donation.

If the time of year allows for a weather gamble, you can reserve space at a park picnic shelter. If you need an indoor location, check with your county about nature centers, event rooms at public libraries, community centers. If you live in an apartment or townhouse community with an eve

nt room, check with management about the rental rates and don't be afraid to ask for a discount. Now you have a big open area to bring in your homemade cupcakes, sandwiches and high fructose corn syrup-free juice boxes.

But remember, keeping things low-key and kicking it old school is always always always a great way to throw a child's birthday party. Take Grandma to your kid's favorite restaurant and giggle when the waiters sing. Grab your child's two best friends for a special movie or ice cream outing. Or vacuum the family room, shove stuff in closets, bust out the crepe paper streamers and a box of Betty Crocker cake mix and set up the boom box for musical chairs.

And maybe mix a pitcher of Bloody Marys for the moms and dads.

Jessica writes about resources for parents (with humor) at A Parent in Silver Spring. She is a contributor to the Yahoo! Mother Board.