User post: Straight Talk--“What can I do to help gay teens who are bullied or harassed?”

Steven Petrow

Q: I want to know about any good organizations that work with young people who are struggling with coming out, especially gay teens who are the victims of bullying and other forms of anti-gay harassment. I feel like with the recent situation-five suicides-things just get worse day-by-day instead of better. I just can't sit back and watch it anymore. As a parent, what can I- no, what can we-do? Grateful for any advice you have. - Cara B., Raleigh, N.C.

A: You won't be surprised to know that I've received many variations on this question since Tyler Clementi, an 18-year-old freshman at Rutgers University, took his own life on September 22 nd , after two other students posted a video online of him having sex with a male classmate. And if that's not horrible enough, it seems that Clementi makes it a total of five teenage boys who have committed suicide in recent weeks as a result of anti-gay bullying and harassment. (At least, these are the ones we know about.) This news comes on top of a recent survey that reported that almost 9 out of 10 LGBT middle and high school students report being victims of harassment at school.

There are a number of things parents can do to help their kids-and other young people. At the very top of that list is letting your child know that it's okay to be gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender (even if she or he isn't). Young people who find acceptance at home enter the world with a much stronger sense of self. Such messages also teach tolerance toward classmates. One mother of two teens wrote me: "I sincerely hope that my children and their peers will be tolerant and decent humans as they mature, and will know to STOP others from tormenting and abusing anyone for beliefs and actions that may be different from theirs." We all have skin in this game and it's up to each of us to teach our children well - and by example.

When it comes to schools, there are a number of protections we can all advocate for (with thanks to GLSEN, the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network):

  1. The first on the list is having our schools adopt comprehensive anti-bullying policies that specifically include sexual orientation and gender expression as categories for protection so that harassing fellow students for being gay or being "too" masculine or feminine is officially forbidden.

  1. Next: It's key to require staff trainings that enable teachers and administrators to understand, identify, and take steps to address anti-LGBT bullying and harassment in rapid order. Not even three days went by between the time the video of Tyler Clementi was posted worldwide and when he took his life.

  1. Your schools should also support student efforts to address these same issues by encouraging the formation of a Gay-Straight Alliances, student organizations that provide a safe and supportive environment for all, or participating in the National Day of Silence, the annual day of action to protest the bullying and harassment of LGBT students and their supporters.

  1. Last, our schools should provide age-appropriate curricula to help students understand diversity and respect difference in the schools and society as a whole.

I know you asked about organizations that can help our young people. One of the most important in this field is the Gay, Lesbian Straight Education Network, which has 35 chapters coast-to-coast that provide anti-bullying support to schools. The federal government also has resources, notably the Stop Bullying Now! initiative, which offers movies, games and information about bullying and how to prevent it. And if you know of any LGBT person at risk of taking his or her own life, immediately contact the Trevor Project, the leading national organization focused on preventing suicide among LGBT youth -- at 866-4-U-Trevor.

Thanks very much for asking about this important issue. I hope you'll please pass this information on to your friends and family.


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Steven Petrow is a regular contributor to Shine, Huffington Post, and 365gay.com. He's also the author of "The Essential Book of Gay Manners & Etiquette." Send him your question at queeries@live.com.