Will and Kate Are a Cute Couple, but Will They be Good Parents?
The Royals are just like us, right? They grow up, go to college, meet a special someone, get engaged.
Sure, Will and Kate's engagement and impending nuptials have been speculated on for years and discussed in breathless detail in the lead up to the big day (finally, after a three-decade wait). But once Kate's sporting a baby bump, she and Will will become part of a club that so many of us have long been members of: parenthood. And that is a state in which we're not only judged as equals, but we're all equally judged.
In the next decade or two when, presumably (as if they have a choice), William and Kate will join the rest of us in parental judgment. Here are 5 ways they'll be judged by their families, friends, community - and random people online that they've never even met (times a thousand!).
If Kate thinks the paparazzi are bad, wait until she joins a moms group!
1. Fertility
Kate Middleton is 29 years old, but with fertility, you never know. Say she has trouble getting pregnant, folks will want to know why she waited so long for her Prince Charming. What was with all the fun during her prime child-bearing years! Some will suspect frigidity. Others will blame her diet. "Relax!" the headlines will scream. "Royal's Consider Surrogate" some others will suggest.
Related: Will the royal wedding matter to our kids? Should it?
2. Pregnancy weight-gain
Fertility crisis-averted, we can focus judgment on how Kate handles the pregnancy. She will either gain too much weight or not enough, eat too much junk or not enough, get too much exercise or not enough. She will be reviled is she doesn't get stretch marks.
2a. Post-pregnancy weight-loss
Not a pound should remain at the one-year mark, lest experts speculate that she's depressed, having relationship troubles or unleashing a suppressed disorder. Of course, if she loses the weight too quickly, there will be speculation that … she's depressed, having relationship troubles or unleashing a suppressed disorder.
3. Labor and delivery
Kate's pregnancy will be high-risk, no matter how healthy mother and child are. No one's taking any chances with the future of the Kingdom. Still, there's always room for judgment. If Kate goes with a popular midwife, she'll be taking unnecessary risks with her own life and that of her child. If she heads straight to the OB/GYN, she'll also face scrutiny for not believing in her amazing self. Here's hoping she has neither a castlebirth nor a c-section; that if she gets an epidural, she only asked for it near the end and had the anesthesiologist turn it off so she could push; which she did neither flat on her back nor on her hands and knees, with more than ice chips but less than a turkey sandwich to nosh on between contractions.
Related: Will Princess Diana's ghost haunt Kate's nursery?
Just saying, Will better be there, holding Kate's hand and saying supportive words but nothing that could be construed as related to hypno-birthing or Lamaze. In the event of a vaginal delivery, Will should be willing to stand at least as far south as Kate's knees. He'll get less judgment, more praise (and extra distance from his own uptight father) if he moves in to catch the baby. C-section? Put on a cap and booties, he needs to stay with the baby, while also finding a way to put a comforting hand on Kate's head, until her hands are free to hold the child.
5. Feeding the baby
Oh, Kate, here's wishing enough - but not too much - breastfeeding success! But as any mother will tell you, feeding your baby is the battle you can't win. Kate will either nurse too much or too little, too openly or too hidden, she'll pump too much or use formula too much or be strangely fixated on/disgusted with mouth-to-nipple contact. She will wean too soon or nurse too long. Her brand of formula won't contain DHA, which is why, we'll suspect a few years down the road, the next generation of royal babies isn't walking or talking at the right time (whenever that is).
To read more about the royal wedding, visit Babble's Strollerderby.
MORE ON BABBLE:
A real life royal wedding: What's the big deal?
Royal baby names: Naming ideas fit for Prince William and Kate Middleton
Knocked-up at the altar: The new normal?
Getting pregnant: How to decide when it's time
When Momzilla meets Bridezilla: Is it OK to bring your uninvited baby to a wedding?
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