Worst Idea Ever: "Pavement Patty" Driver Safety FAIL
Imagine driving through the parking garage of your child's school. (Honestly, I should probably just stop there, because I've never in my life seen an elementary school with a parking garage, so even that's hard for me to imagine.) You're cruising around slowly, looking for a space so you can go in and pick up your kid and then - WHAM! - you've run over a 2nd grader. Or what appears to be a 2nd grader, but is really an optical illusion put in place to "bring attention to driver-caused pedestrian injuries," or kill the driver courtesy of a heart attack, whichever happens first.
"Pavement Patty," the 2-dimensional painting whose "elongated form appears to rise from the ground as cars approach, reaching 3D realism at around 100 feet," supposedly comes to life slowly enough that if drivers are following the speed limit, they should be able to stop in time to avoid hitting her. Then they'll casually realize she's just a trompe-l'oeil and drive off having a nice laugh, I guess? Or drive off freaking out because it's crazy that someone would paint the road with a fake child that an innocent parent might fake kill.
According to Discover Magazine, Vancouver community members have rightfully raised concerns about the image, worrying "drivers may stop suddenly or swerve into actual 3D children" nearby. (Isn't the phrase 'actual 3D children' a little redundant and offensive? I mean, do we really need to remind ourselves that our children are human beings and not holograms? Guh.) In response, David Duane of the BCAA Traffic Safety Foundation told CTV news, "It's a static image. If a driver can't respond to this appropriately, that person shouldn't be driving…."
Um, wow. I'm having trouble finding words to express my outrage at this man's callousness and idiocy. First of all, a rendering of a child that moves from 2D to 3D, appearing to come to life only to be potentially struck by frightened drivers is hardly a static image. It's a giant set-up for failure, and is sure to leave parents distressed and angry. It's like handing a 2-year-old a jack-in-the-box and expecting him not to cry when the scary clown pops up and socks the poor kid in the nose. This illusion is a recipe for disaster and the people who thought of it should not be allowed around children. David Duane seems like the type of guy who'd babysit your kids, pop Children of the Corn into the DVD player and go, "What? It's about kids and veggies! Come on. Maybe we should watch Child's Play instead. That's got a doll in it."
A U.S. city has experimented with virtual speed bumps, but are they a good idea? What about all of the other distractions drivers face on the road? How long before an adult hits a real 3D child thinking it's just a virtual speed bump?
