Aries (March 21 - April 19) You have as much drive as the next dog, but if food's not involved, why bother? Your opportunistic tendency rears its ugly head nose first. You smell something good today, and you're prepared to pounce on it.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20) You understand the ins and outs of what makes the doghouse run better than anyone else, even the humans who are supposedly running it. So you can see the train wreck that's about to happen. All you can do is sigh in your basket and watch.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21) Humans are confusing creatures. You can't understand the things they do, but for some reason you understand their motivations for doing them. Stay focused on those vague undercurrents today. You'll need all the information you can glean from them.
Cancer (June 22 - July 22) One minute you don't want to leave the doghouse, and the next the only thing stopping you from bolting out is the closed door. There's no balance today, but also not much choice one way or the other. At least you don't have to wonder how to handle your extremes.
Leo (July 23 - August 22) What do begging and self-respect have to do with each other? You have no clue, but for some reason your owner thinks they're mutually exclusive. That just shows how much more you know than the humans. However, if the point is getting the biscuit, swallow your pride and act as they see fit.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22) You're not single, but you're forced to feel that way each and every day. Being alone in the doghouse is working your very last nerve. You can hardly consider it a good day if the highlight is watching through the closed window as a certain dog walks by. Sigh.
Libra (September 23 - October 22) When you were a puppy, you were constantly eating bigger and bigger portions. But now that you're a dog, your limits seem to be going backwards. That's a bitter pill to swallow, and you can admit to being depressed about it. This is where a bit of whining under the table comes in.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21) Some days your walks feel like an exercise in futility. Both you and your owner are in a good mood today, though. You're both pulling in the same direction and that makes all the difference in the world. You hardly know what to do with all the extra energy.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21) Your culinary skills get a bit of brushing up. You have enough time on your paws to make yourself just the right lunch. You're in luck if you're of the raw food school, because you have plenty to choose from. To say you'll gorge is a conservative statement.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 19) You want nothing more than a pat on the back and the words 'good dog.' And yet no matter how hard you try, you just can't get much recognition from your owners. Their preoccupation with human matters makes you just about invisible today. All you can do is wait it out.
Aquarius (January 20 - February 18) You're tired today. Even the mail seems like too much bother. Every dog has the occasional low energy day like this one, so don't think much of it. Fighting it just makes it drag on longer. Let your head hang and spend your time in the basket instead.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20) Your little group of toys is looking forlorn and sad. It needs something else to jazz it up. A shoe or a belt would be a welcome addition, but you'd better not go there. Stick to begging for something new instead.
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