Aries (March 21 - April 19) Your owner is taking a thorough accounting of her possessions. It's time for an upgrade, thanks to you. There will be no more chewing when the new furniture comes in, but the rawhide is a nice substitute.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20) Count your blessings that your owner is so indulgent. Not too many humans would look at you with affection and amusement after you make mincemeat of their possessions.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21) You want to be more like the cat, but that's impossible. You can try to cultivate those same qualities of deep focus, but all it gets you is more sleep. Sigh, and snore.
Cancer (June 22 - July 22) Your owner is finally getting things in order on the domestic front. She was a pirate on the high seas for a while, but she's too mature for that these days. She's more of a Skipper now. Or is it Lovey? Either way, she's got a good grip on the wheel.
Leo (July 23 - August 22) What the -- ? You're positive you left a bone right here, in this exact spot. If you'd bet your reputation on it, there's nothing to do but dig, dig, dig until you find the goods.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22) Ah, life is good. You and your owner get to live well together, and travel well together, too. You'll experience your evening meal in an unusual dinner spot, and it won't be from a doggy bag.
Libra (September 23 - October 22) There's no point in feeling possessive about the extra food in your bowl when you're just too full to eat it. Besides, if you overindulge you'll only fall into an after-dinner stupor. Ugh.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21) You like your steak rare, but you'll have to compromise. That doesn't mean eating out of a can, though; it simply means you'll have to wolf it down well done.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21) People are making demands on you, but you can deal with the pressure. It's a rare occurrence, but when your owner needs you to be good, you're only too happy to oblige.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 19) Someone thinks it's cute to see you interacting with children, but you know better. All that poking and pulling is no fun. Use your ingenuity to get yourself out of the situation, if at least temporarily.
Aquarius (January 20 - February 18) It wasn't so long ago, but your crate and training routine already feel like part of the distant past. Now it's time to move on to learning other things. Soon you'll be an old pro at sit, stay and shake, just like the older dogs you admire.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20) Your owner is wrapped up in love letters again. Meanwhile, communication between the two of you is nonexistent. It's as if you're living on two different planets. Be patient; she'll come down to earth soon enough.
Gregg Doyel flashed a heart sign at Caitlin Clark at her introductory press conference on Wednesday afternoon to kick off an incredibly strange back-and-forth.
