Aries (March 21 - April 19) No need to slow down today for a change. There's so much on your owners' plates that you have to trot just to keep up with them. Chalk it up to their drive for success.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20) How deep an understanding of 'sit' and 'stay' does a dog need to get a biscuit around here? Apparently a deeper one than you have, since the treats are not forthcoming. Start studying the issues.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21) Your human jumps from being your best friend to your authority figure and back again. It's up to you to roll with the punches. The hard part is when it's not exactly clear just which role they're playing.
Cancer (June 22 - July 22) You need to crawl out from under the proverbial porch and deal with something, like it or not. The longer you put it off, the more extreme the problem gets. Take care of it now, when it's as simple as thirst or hunger or a need for a scratch behind your ears.
Leo (July 23 - August 22) Everything gets out of the doghouse today, from your wiggly body right down to your ego. You'll get the walk of a lifetime and all the praise any dog could want if you play your cards just right. Think about your moves for a split second, first thing in the morning.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22) Even if your owner is single, don't waste time wondering if they've met someone through work. Their interest is purely financial. They still depend on you for any other forms of devotion.
Libra (September 23 - October 22) Dipping into memories of the past is part of being human, but yours is overindulging. If they can't place limits on it, then do it for them in your own, special way. There's no reason to sit around watching them feel weird.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21) You know that being obedient is what gets you the biscuits, but it's impossible to stick with the game plan. Your self-control is always the first thing to go out the window. Brush up the charm instead.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21) Your owner's attentions have shifted to something unusual yet vaguely familiar. It wasn't long ago that they were preoccupied with things other than money. Get reacquainted with the old, familiar side of your human.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 19) It doesn't take much effort to make things go your way. Look for small signs early on that your plans are working. Once you know you're making progress, the rest of the day is gravy.
Aquarius (January 20 - February 18) You're not sure why your humans are acting the way they are, and truth be told, neither are they. Subliminal leashes are leading both of you along a rugged path. At least you're only being led along by default.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20) Being both the most dominant and the most submissive dog in the doghouse is wearing a bit thin. If you can't talk your owner into some company, then go out in search of your alpha elsewhere. The dog park is a start.
Gregg Doyel flashed a heart sign at Caitlin Clark at her introductory press conference on Wednesday afternoon to kick off an incredibly strange back-and-forth.
