Aries (March 21 - April 19) You could charm your way to a T-bone steak if there was anyone at all in the doghouse. Since you're on your own, you'll have to put such selfishness aside for another day. But there's nothing stopping you from dreaming about it.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20) When it comes to being lazy, there's no such thing as overdoing it today. In fact, you have just about no other options. Unless dreaming counts, you'll have to wait until evening for your exercise routine.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21) After a long, overwhelming day, it's nice to have less action in the doghouse. Let yourself get lost in thoughts instead of activity. Spend the day recharging for your owner's return.
Cancer (June 22 - July 22) There are no issues around the doghouse today. In fact, you have it all to yourself. At least there's nothing to disturb your bliss, unless you count the mail.
Leo (July 23 - August 22) If your owner thinks they can spend the evening focusing on human friendships or even romance, they've got another thing coming. You've waited all day for some company, so demand your share of their time, attention and fun.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22) You'll make a big impression on someone, but you'll need to be careful if you want it to be the right kind. A big splash at the dog park is one thing, but among humans it's a horse of a different color. Know your audience.
Libra (September 23 - October 22) Your owner is trying to balance socializing with spending time with you. That means you need to move over and let a few other humans into your doghouse. Enjoy getting their attention.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21) Your owner is having a hard time making up their mind about something. You have no idea what it is, but their indecision is palpable. You would toss ideas back and forth with them if you could, but as it is, offer the old standby: the long walk.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21) Your human is dealing with the law and not in a pleasant way. Luckily for them, they've learned a few tricks just from being around you. Their animal magnetism will win the day.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 19) Your owner is taking on challenge after challenge but so far no upgrades in chow can be shown for it. That's okay, because this is an investment. You'll both be eating steaks sooner or later if you help them stick this out.
Aquarius (January 20 - February 18) You can see past that aloof expression but others can't. It's a shame, for so many warm qualities to go unrecognized. Help your human learn to take off their mask of superiority.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20) Something major is going on. Your owner is either rethinking their career, their home or their entire life. They're not making any decisions today, but rest assured you're part of any new path they choose.
Gregg Doyel flashed a heart sign at Caitlin Clark at her introductory press conference on Wednesday afternoon to kick off an incredibly strange back-and-forth.
