Can you really train a cat to use the toilet? You can try. You can fail too.


Yes, that's a cat on a toilet. And yes, he does look pretty pissed about it. The whole Internet has just discovered the Litter Kwitter, a potty training system for cats that was—up until this point—known only to a rare breed of ambitious cat owners. 

Created by a woman who toilet-trained her own cat, the Litter Kwitter works like this: You put a color-coded litter-filled ring with a very small hole on your toilet bowl. As your cat learns to jump on the porcelain throne every time he needs to relieve himself, you switch to a ring with a larger hole. This goes on until your animal suddenly realizes he's standing on a toilet bowl, praying he doesn't fall in.

It's great idea, but according to the people who write reviews on Amazon about cat toilet training, it's not that easy. Please take a moment to enjoy some of the comments posted about the Litter Kwitter, because they are brilliant:

"I have a kitten whose brain hasn't quite caught up with the rest of her yet...There is nothing funnier than watching your cat play twister on your toilet trying desperately to make their poop land on that tiny ring with the litter on it."

"It is 3:54 in the morning. I got up at 3:07 this morning to cat pee on the floor."

"My cat was confused at first and would just stare at me for reassurance. I think if I wouldn't have been there, he may have had accidents."

"My cat was doing so good that I tried to move her to the next level after only one week and she started to go potty in my large houseplants."

"Anyone have any suggestions for how to make the cat stop unrolling the TP and throwing it in after he has toileted himself?"

Apparently, the device works wonders for some pets. ("My cat already liked the toilet before, now he enjoys it," writes an eerily enthusiastic customer.)  But here's the thing about cats: They're not dogs. You can't train them all.

I learned this long before I discovered the most entertaining Amazon wormhole ever. For the past year, my best friend has been training her cat with the device, which is supposed to work within 8 weeks. We are stalled at the green ring—the intermediate level hole which acts like a litter box donut on your toilet. It's not that her cat doesn't get it, it's that she doesn't stand for this toilet B.S.

This cat, who shall remain nameless, has been protesting the device by making number two exclusively in the bathtub. Unfortunately, her owner is just as stubborn, so she refuses to give up on the belief that her pet is a kind and generous genius. As a result, if you want to use the toilet in her house, you must remove the ring of litter around her toilet bowl, or sit in a pile of urinary unpleasantness. This has happened to me on a number of times, because I am also not easily trained.