The worst Valentine's Day gifts ever, 2010 edition

We know what you're going to say: It's the thought that counts. But, honestly, it's really not thoughtful to buy your mate a terrible gift-on Valentine's Day or ever. So, please, we beg you, significant others everywhere, don't drop your cash on any of the cutesy-bad or clueless-gross presents we've outlined above. No one wants them. Don't waste your money on this stuff! We're in a recession!
Let's just all love each other, OK?