The Secret to Dating Out of Your League

We see it in movies and on television shows all the time: The "average person" longs to be with someone who is considered "out of their league," and they obsess over how they can make themselves good enough to capture that person's heart. In the real world, people say they love the chase that comes with wanting someone they can't have -- but dating someone out of your league doesn't have to be as dramatic as Hollywood makes it seem. In fact, does such a thing even exist? Here are five things to remember when it comes to going after someone you don't think you can have:

1. A relationship is not a competition. Your crush may have an enviable, outgoing personality or an awesome sense of humor, but the important thing to remember is that you aren't competing with your partner. You appreciate them for who they are, and they should appreciate you for the unique traits that you possess. "If you feel the relationship isn't reciprocal, then you aren't getting anything out of it," says psychologist and author of Marriage Magic! Find It, Keep It, and Make It Last, Karen Sherman, Ph.D. Not everything has to be equal, but there should be a level of respect from both of you.

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2. Go after love instead of lust. Don't let physical desirability rule all aspects of your relationship. Therapist and relationship consultant Crystal Rice suggests that "relationships that start with fire often end up an icy mess, as both partners realize that the key to making a relationship last has more to do with commonalities, shared interests, and similar conflict resolution styles than with chemical attraction (though that does help)." Substance is most important in the long run.

3. Don't act like they're out of your league. Don't bombard someone with too much glory and attention. And don't feel like you need to overcompensate because they are "too good to be true." In fact, Marie Aniort from suggests focusing on yourself: "Instead of using your subjective opinion of what you might be 'worth' as a starting point, start with a list of what you're looking for in a partner." Even though you make think someone is out of your league, chances are, if you share the same values, you'll be the type of person they want, too.

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4. Confidence is key. People are attracted to self-assured individuals, no matter what "league" you may think that they belong to. "Have a can-do attitude. When you believe you can achieve anything, your chances of succeeding skyrocket. Build confidence by taking chances and celebrating your little wins," says Fantasy Dating CEO Suzanne Casamento.

5. In truth, there is no league. A recent study by revealed that nearly 55 percent of participants believe in the concept of dating out of your league. Even so, we don't live in a feudal society anymore where we are socially restricted to only our level on the hierarchical pyramid. Regardless of someone's financial status, background, or Adonis-like looks, we are all people looking for our soul mate. "Either you are emanating love to someone, or you're not. If you are, they will feel it. If you aren't, then you simply require more self-love. If there is enough love within, it will shine to the right person at the right time," says Sylvia Hall, a life stylist and body image expert.

Lori Bizzoco is the Executive Editor of, a first-of-its-kind website that takes the latest celebrity news and repackages it to help singles and couples navigate their love lives. She is a sought after relationship and entertainment expert who has been featured in The Wall Street Journal, Newsday, Chicago-Tribune, Working Mother, Woman's Day, Redbook, Parenting, and on Fox News, The Suze Orman Show, WebMD,, JDate, YourTango, and more. She's appeared in two books, 'No Excuses: 9 Ways Women Can Change How We Think about Power' by feminist icon Gloria Feldt and 'Cheat on Your Husband (With Your Husband)' by Andrea Syrtash. Today, has more than one million unique visitors per month.