Beauty Tips to Stop You from Saying, "No, I'm Not a Zombie."

by Shannon Ray
Shannon Ray was the winner of the 2012 Allure Beauty Blogger Awards and is now contributing to the Daily Beauty Reporter.


photo by Tim Houtphoto by Tim HoutListen, we've all had one of those days, whether due to a late night of (reading, I'm sure) shenanigans, or innate laziness (a-hem, party of one), you look a little zombie-ish in the facial and/or other regions. It happens; no judgment here. Now it's time to move onto a little damage control, and figure out how the eff to actually make yourself look like a humanoid being again.

De-puff your eyes. Are your orbital sockets rivaling the Stay Puft dude's bod? Well, there are easy remedies for that puffy mess. The simplest way is to pop a couple of spoons into the freezer for a few minutes (Not too long, you don't want EYE-cicles. Oh, man.) Then lie down for a bit with the undersides of the spoons on your eyes. This sounds like some straight 1950s home remedies, but it will totally help. You can also go ahead and make your self a nice cup o' hot tea, and then use the cooled tea bags (I WILL NOT make an inappropriate joke right now) on your eyes to reduce swelling and puffiness. Now that you can actually see from those unpuffed sockets, we can move on to other issues a-brewing.

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Get rid of weird under (and upper) eye fatigue.
Let's be real; most of the time where there's eye puffiness, there's some dark circles also tossed into the crap deal mix. They kind of go hand-in-hot-mess-hand with each other. But there are a ton of tips that work like a dream to give your eyes a little lift and light, and make you look totally awake, even if your mind is still in Dreamtown, USA, with thoughts of Ryan Gosling dancing in your head.

For the undereye area, using a concealer very slightly lighter than your skin tone will give you a slight brightening and wake-the-hell-up-ening effect. I like to pat the concealer on with my fingertips initially, because body heat helps it melt into the skin a little more. Then you can use a brush or sponge to blend everything to a perfecto finish. For an under the brow lift, apply a light-colored eyeshadow with a touch of shimmer. I like one that has more of a yellow undertone than white, so you don't end up looking like you were just rejected from a Whitesnake music video audition. A little bit of this jazz goes a long way, so don't go insane with it. For a final doll-eyed touch, apply white eyeliner on inner rim of your lower lashes. Wow, you totally look like you now have real human eyes. And kind of fabulous bright ones, at that.

Controlling a code red rat's nest hair situation.
Oh brother. You know when you wake up with a matted tangle in your hair, usually positioned right at the nape of your neck? Those things can be a damn beast. And although it takes a little patience to deal with that b, it can be tamed. Spray that tangled knot with detangler or leave in conditioner, and then work it out from the bottom up with a comb. If it's really bad, you might have to apply some conditioner to that bad boy and go from there. Then, if you're pressed for time, style your mop into a low bun or braid to conceal that less-than-perfectly coifed section of hair.

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Raggedy talon nails.
It's such a huge pain in the ass to have a ragged nail and be totally sans file, amiright? The solution to this is not superelegant, but desperate times call for weirdness, sometimes. There are several ways you can file down a wayward and straggly nail. Matchbooks make a fabulous emory board. But if you don't have one, you can even use (clean) grout or the underside of a table. Pretty much, if it has a rough edge, file that ish.


If chipped polish is more your dramz o' the day, don't even think about redoing your entire mani. Just pat on a dollop of the same polish in the offensive area, let it dry a few minutes, and then reapply a top coat to seal it in. You might not be hand-modeling it today, unless you actually are a hand model, but you will totally look like you have your ish together, at least.

Rough lips ahead.
Oh, dry and cracked lips. How you are the bane of everyone's existence. If your lips are feeling less than smooth, I have the easiest DIY solution for your ass. Take a pinch of sugar (brown is best, but white is okay) in the palm of your hand, and then add a touch of olive oil. You've got yourself the cheapest lip scrub, like, ever. Dip your finger in the mixture and rub it on your lips in a circular motion. Then wipe off the remains, or just lick your lips, if you feeling like getting all LL Cool J with it. Finish up with a lip balm, and your pout is suddenly the cat's pajamas.

Now instead of people yelling, "It's alive! It's alive!" as they pass you on the street, you can just go get a coffee and finish your zombie-to-human transition. Congratulations, you're totally winning at life today.


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