Why Would Anyone Pay a Million Dollars for This Bathing Suit?

Photo: REX USA/Luke Marsden/Newspix/RexWhen it comes to fashion, specifically swimwear, you can bet your bottom dollar that if there’s a million-dollar price tag attached to an item, it’s super ugly. Case in point: this questionable-looking white monokini, which retails for exactly $1 million.

Why so pricey? Well, you might not be able to see clearly, but the swimsuit is actually trimmed with 133 carats' worth of 220 brilliant-cut diamonds, plus 100 Australian South Sea pearls. The designer, Australian jeweler Ann Middleton, says, about her design in a press release, that she used "as many Australian gems as possible.”  (That’s rather vague for that amount of bling. If she didn’t get them all locally did she have to go to Jared's?) Adding to the whole excess theme, Middleton said that “hundreds of hours went into creating the swimsuit.” Hundreds. I’m assuming that includes general brainstorming time, because, let's be real — the Duchess of Cambridge's wedding dress took hundreds of hours to make. But this little guy? No way.

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Middleton, who has designed pieces for Elton John and Bill Clinton, collaborated with swim retailer Sunseeker to create this one-of-a-kind piece. Modeled by famous Down Under catwalk regular Samantha Harris, the white-knotted string swimsuit is scheduled to be the centerpiece for the Australian Tourism's upcoming Gold Coast Swim Fashion Festival, an event to promote the Australian fashion industry. So, just like Victoria’s Secret has its $10 million-dollar bra modeled every year to much fanfare, this swimsuit — not really meant for retail —  is a statement piece. Unfortunately, it’s just so…. eh.

Miss Universe Venezuela's Gabriela Isler (photo: Reuters) Now, this suit isn't the first head-scratching item to be "worth" a million dollars. But even in comparison with the tritest of seven-digit splurges, it falls short. For example, the same amount of money could buy you afive-seater submarine or your own personal J. Lo concert. And for those craving something a bit more practical, a 150-million-year-old dinosaur skeleton can be yours at that price too.

Interestingly enough, about a month ago, the newly crowned Miss Universe made her first official public appearance in, of all things, a million-dollar white cutout gem-encrusted monokini. The blinged-out  swimsuit, designed by Yamamay, featured an assortment of 900 diamonds, rubies, and emeralds stitched throughout— strikingly similar to Middleton’s newly revealed design.

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If a third example of these special suits comes out anytime soon, then we can officially call it a trend. But until then, let's pray this is the end. One million dollars is a lot of money and I’d much rather spend that on my own submarine than on a swimsuit that’s going to give me wacky tan lines —133 carats of diamonds or not!

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