11 Things everyone wants to tell their boss (but can't)

I recently had dinner with a friend who's sick of breaking bread with her boss. She can't decline a work dinner because she's nervous about job security and "now more than ever, kissing rear end is super important." She wished her boss would simply stop inviting her to after-hour meals that she can't afford to refuse.

She's not alone. While there are some who like to party with their boss like it's 1999, it seems that most employees would rather eat a Big Mac on their own time and dime than have sushi with their boss. To help spare her and others who share the plight, I've collected food-work complaints common among many employees. Here's everything you've always wanted to say to the big wig about working meals, but were too afraid to get canned.

1. Don't invite me to breakfast. Work should start at 9 AM and finish at 5 PM, period. Breakfast, although free, is not a bonus before 9 AM.

2. Never ask me to lunch. I enjoy getting a little space from you so that when you make me feel small and insignificant, I can remain calm and centered.

3. I don't want to have dinner with you. Work dinners are not even remotely fun so for the love of my sanity, please stop arranging them.

4. Please don't ask me to bring in a cake for someone's birthday. You make more money than I do and I have to wait a few weeks to get paid back while you take all of the credit. What's more? As I'm shleping the cake "from you" in the snow, I'll grow bitter and may give you a slight passive-aggressive attitude which will end up making me paranoid and you pissed, so let's just avoid it entirely.

5. Please don't ask me for drinks. I like wine and you like wine, but If I drink wine I may tell you things that I don't want to tell you and you may tell me things you don't want to tell me. You may even lose some of your hard-earned respect so please, don't ask me for a drink.

6. Don't take me out for my birthday. I appreciate the sentiment. If you want to do something, give me a raise or a day off, but please don't make me hang out with you as my birthday present. Yes, you're funny and you're a "cool boss" but you're still my boss which means that every second I'm with you, I'm working.

7. Please don't order for everyone. Just because you're the boss doesn't mean you have good taste in food or that I should be forced to eat raw fish.

8. Don't ever comment on my weight or I will sue you. Whether I look skinny or I'm sporting a muffin top the size of Texas, that's between me, myself and I.

9. Please don't ask me to share food with you. I like being able to potentially enjoy my entire meal and I don't want to inadvertently exchange saliva with you. If you ask me to share, I will have to comply and I sincerely don't want to.

10. Don't sit next to me.

11. Please, please don't confront me after reading this. If you do, I will pretend to disagree with the above sentiments. Take some notes and let's pretend this never happened.

What do you think? Are you a fan of breaking bread with the boss or would you rather eat out of a brown paper bag?

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