Aries (March 21 - April 19) You'll be as insensitive as Gordon Ramsey at a Chuck E. Cheese today. So, be careful of treating people like pieces of meat. The tables could easily turn and they'll throw you into the frying pan to watch you jump around, just for the fun of it.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20) You're never going to meet anyone sitting at home eating TV dinners. We're a society that meets and greets over food, so that's where you should be tonight. Hit a happening dinner spot and work the crowd. You may be surprised when someone nice asks you to pull up a chair.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21) Your day will go from one extreme to another today, and they'll be no middle ground. One moment it'll be like you're dining on coq au vin, and the next you'll be spreading peanut butter on a moldy piece of bread. Good luck with all that.
Cancer (June 22 - July 22) Your energy flow may be as clogged up as a broken garbage disposal today. You'll feel as sluggish as honey, as dense as oatmeal, and you won't be able to shake this creeping malaise. It may be best not to do anything today, except maybe have some oatmeal with honey on top.
Leo (July 23 - August 22) You may be on the hunt for romance today. Treat potential suitors to a big dish of your magnanimous personality and boundless energy. That's a meal few can resist, and it won't be long before you find yourself simmering nicely in a big pot of love stew.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22) You may get a call today from relatives inviting you to yet another Sunday family dinner. Memories of Aunt Gladys' tripe surprise and the days of agony that followed jump instantly into your head. Don't worry. You still have plenty of time to come with an excuse to blow it off.
Libra (September 23 - October 22) You may have an idealistic view of a world where everyone's well fed. That's far from reality, but you can make it so by helping to feed those less fortunate. There are many groups that deliver food to the homeless and needy, so pitch in today. It may be a small gesture, but it'll help fight the bigger problem.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21) You're never one to decline dinner invitations from older friends or relatives, because they always come up with something amazing. Not only are they great cooks, but they always tell the best stories. Jump at the next opportunity to break bread with them, and enjoy a night of magic.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21) Today you'll be a combination of all the best the supermarket has to offer. You'll be fresh, tender and well done. No wonder everyone will be hungry to be in your presence.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 19) You'll race through your day at lightning speed today, and you may not have time to eat. Skipping meals is unhealthy, and will catch up with you in the long run. Take time for a sandwich and some fruit today, even if you have to eat it in the back of a speeding cab.
Aquarius (January 20 - February 18) You may think you'll have a glimpse of heaven today, but it'll only be the sweetest hot cinnamon muffin you've ever seen. Screw the diet; even the good angel on your shoulder wants you to enjoy. Throw in a double chocolate latte and you really could be in heaven.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20) You'll try your best to stay on that diet today, but temptation will test your resolve. Everywhere you turn there'll be pizza, nachos, milk shakes and grilled cheese sandwiches. It would be easy to succumb, but you'll end up doing the right thing by going for the chicken breast on wheat instead.
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