Strangest new food concept: Cooking with semen
Exactly how dedicated are you to the concepts of recycling, scrimping and using all-natural products in your food?
If you're willing to put your money-shot where you mouth is, you'd send away for a copy of the cookbook "Natural Harvest," which goes into stomach-churning detail about how to store, prepare and serve semen as food.
Yes, it has really, erm, come to this.
"Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties," the book's description goes. "Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants. Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food. This book hopes to change that."
And, yes, it appears to be a real book, and a second edition is already on the way.
Right off the bat, you get a recipe for a cocktail (a White Russian, naturally):
2 oz. vodka
1 oz. coffee liqueur
cream or milk
ice cubes
1/2 oz. semen
Then there are the "Creamy Cum Crepes," which are regular crepes filled with cottage cheese and two tablespoons of man juice. Yum.
I'm suddenly reminded of that Vice magazine where the guy ate frozen lollipops of his own man seed. (And then vomits profusely, if I remember correctly.)
And there are tips I'll bet you didn't know about cooking with sperm, like:
- Semen cooks like egg whites, not mayonnaise.
- If you want good-tasting semen, drink lots of ginger tea (at least that's what the chefs working on the cookbook found out for themselves).
- If you want to maximize your semen output, collect it after a restful night's sleep or extended
foreplay. Suddenly that Family Life class where you learned about "teaspoonfuls of ejaculate" makes sense, huh?
Intriguing or gross? Would any of you try a semen-based recipe? Let the innuendo-laden puns commence!
Michael Y. Park is a writer living in Brooklyn , New York . He studied medieval history as an undergraduate at the University of Chicago , and journalism as a graduate student at New York University . His stories have appeared in publications including The New York Times,the New York Post, and the Toronto Globe and Mail. He has feasted at a picnic with the king and queen of Malaysia , and dined on roadside kebabs while disguised as a Hazara tribesman in Afghanistan . He runs a monthly grilling competition in New York City and actually owns a kitchen torch.
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