Who should wash the dishes? (and how our parents screwed us up)

Maggie Nemser, Shine staff

Last night I went grocery shopping, cooked and then I really wanted to wash the dishes. This statement is a little weird for me for several reasons.

You see, I used to think that my grandmother made out like a bandit. She cooked brisket once a year and and the other 364 days she made tuna fish sandwiches or ate out. She never washed a dish and my grandfather told her she was beautiful every single day.

My mother did things a bit differently. She did the shopping, cooking and cleaning. As I loaded the dishwasher I used to make "notes to self" about how I when I grew up I would do things differently. I now sometimes wonder if my mom's need to do everything was a result of rebelling against her own mother or simply because she enjoyed it.

But last night I was loving the dish duty. There was something about the simplicity and clear resolution of cleaning plates that felt soothing last night as I listened to McCain and Obama debate intricate and sticky issues. There was another reason that I wanted dish duty. Doing them made me feel like I was taking care of my friends. I must admit however, to two dish washing fears: 1. becoming an expert dishwasher. 2. avoiding dishes in response to my family.

Paving one's own way in the kitchen is not always easy. The alternating approach works for some couples, while others meet effortlessly, side by side behind the sink. Then there are super old-school folks who think the lady of the casa should work the kitchen like it's 1950 (Heck, if it works for you, it's all good!). But because everyone has their own wishes, associations, and fears surrounding this hot topic, the only thing that seems to make it all work is honesty and humor. Although truth and humor won't exactly erase chore-related frustrations, it will at least explain why you may have acted like an irrational toddler in the kitchen last night.

So, who washes the dishes in your home?

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