Is he your soulmate? Find “the one”

Spring has sprung and love is in the air. It's magical to watch everyone shake off winter to fall head over heels in love -- with love. Many of your advice-seeking letters recently have had a similar theme: "Soulmates." Several of my passionista readers have sent me a list of qualities and a description of a guy with a simple question: "Abiola, is he my soulmate?"

Well, my belles, the only person who can know for sure whether someone is your soulmate is you. The good news is that we don't get just one soulmate. If you feel like that guy back in high school or some other missed connection was your soulmate and you blew it, take heart!

When it comes to "the one" there is not just one. We have several people we may have a soul connection with. A parent can be a soulmate and so can a best friend. Even when it comes to your beloved partners you get more that one sacred partnership.

So how do you know if he's your soul's mate? It has nothing to do with most of the qualities you've been sending me. Whether someone is your soulmate has nothing to do with the color of his eyes, how tall they are, where she works or anything on a superficial level like that.

Your soulmate is the person that you feel like your spirit recognizes. You want to go deeper with this person than ever before, the good, the bad, the ugly and the jubilant. This person balances your energy. You want to evolve together. You want to be a better person with them than you have been in the past.

It's also important to note that falling in love and finding your soulmate doesn't have to be by accident -- like in the movies. Being dedicated to someone is a decision. Adults fall in love on purpose. Hopefully, once you're in a relationship, you fall in love over and over again -- with the same person.

If you're deciding whether someone is "the one" for you consider compatibility, shared goals and values. Any one of these factors can be off kilter, so don't despair. It's how it all comes together for your joint relationship.

Relationships are not formulaic. Like a pair of fab shoes only you really know whether it's a good fit. Add a healthy does of flexibility to the mix and you're off to the races.

Happy dating!

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