We asked REDBOOK readers on Facebook about the utterly mortifying things their kids have spouted outside the comfort of their own homes. If it were possible to die from embarrassment, we probably would have lost many of them. By Lauren Le Vine, REDBOOK.
Guard those family jewels
"When getting in grocery carts or car seats, my boys have each shouted out, 'Mom, you are smashing my peanuts!'" - Bernadette H.
That's kind of a need-to-know basis, honey
"I was renting a movie at the video store and was asking the checker when I needed to return it when my little girl said 'We're just gonna copy it anyway.' How nice!" - Tina M.
Just sayin' what we're all thinking
"After a very long homily (sermon) at our church during Mass, my two-year-old clapped his hands and yelled out, 'Yeah, all done now!'" - Tami G.W.
Thanks a lot, Pixar
"When Toy Story first came out, my nephew got a new Woody doll. He was so happy he yelled, 'Hey everyone...I got my first Woody!'" - Julie R.
Related: The 75 Most Iconic Dresses of All Time
Not the best place to launch your rap career
"In a Bally's locker room filled with older ladies: 'It's gettin' hot in here, so take off all your clothes.' Thanks, Nelly!" - Theresa G.
Really taking the information to heart
"We were at a camp-out, and my son, who was two or three at the time, loudly said, 'Good night, sleep tight, don't let anyone touch your penis!' We had had the whole 'If anyone touches you there, you tell' talk the day before. I laughed so hard, but was glad he listened!" - Danielle M.
Your cups runneth over
"I was in the ladies' intimates section in Walmart. While I was looking at undergarments, my daughter screamed 'Mom, your boobs are way too big to fit these.' Talk about wanting the floor to open up and swallow you!" - Sue M.
Yup, and now she knows, too!
"Is that the lady you don't like?" - Margit C.
Related: 50 Ways to Stay Bonded with Your Kids
This isn't "mom's gone wild," sweetie
"My three-year-old (at the time) decided to announce that 'Mommy has a new black bra on.'" - Dotti S.
Thanks for the reminder
"My daughter was around three or four years old, and we were in CVS. She spotted sanitary pads in the aisle and very loudly yelled out, 'Mommy you forgot your lily pads!'" - Phyllis B.
You know I had beans for lunch!
"In the middle of a grocery store aisle: 'Mom! That stinks! Was that you?'" - Jessica C.
Someone's been watching too much CSI
"There was a long receiving line at a funeral, and my child blurted out, 'Hurry up! I wanna see the dead body!'" - Tara H.
Related: Meet the 2013 Hot Husbands Finalists
No -- maybe tomorrow, though
"Mom, did you make a baby with that man today?" - Steven M.
I don't think they sell that here
"In the grocery store my four-year-old son asked if we were buying any sex today. He remembered the comment from the show Three's Company when Mrs. Roper said if she wanted sex she would have to buy it." - Sheila P.
Sure, let's go with that
"'Sex' was said in a joke punchline - which we thought had been made out of the kiddo's earshot - but he quickly said (in a serious voice), 'Oh, I know what sex is.' So we asked, 'What do you think sex is,' and he said (without missing a beat), 'That is when Mommy and Daddy make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.' There was not a dry eye there; we were all laughing so hard. This was at a family event, so I have to say I was very embarrassed when he said he knew what sex was, but now it has turned into a great family get-together story." - Domonica C.
More from REDBOOK:
- 10 After-School Conversation Strategies That'll Get Your Kids Sharing
- Fall Shoe-spiration: 100 Must-Buy Shoes
25 Reasons Why Married Sex Is Better
- The 50 Most Iconic Beauty Looks of All Time
- Mom Quotes That Will Make You Crack Up and Tear Up
Become of a fan of REDBOOK on Facebook and follow us on Twitter!