The right school for your child

It all starts with making the right choice ofinstitution and goes on to handling your child's triumphs, failures andproblems, and guiding him to become a strong personality, someone who can takelife's bouquets and brickbats in his stride. Sonali Ghosh Sen brings you acomprehensive guide.

School provides both, a shelter and gateway to your child as he or sheprepares to step into the real world. It's a place where your child is likelyto make friends for life, where his winning goal in the football match will beremembered for years to come and where he discovers a new way to see the world.

At the Playschool
It is now a well-established fact that a good pre-school curriculum has asignificant impact on the child's early developmental years. Modern life hasdecreed that the age for a child to begin learning can be as early as 11/2 to 2years of age. A playschool is important, feels AlakanandaSen, Principal of the VIHA school in Bengaluru,'because the child needs to be introduced to a social group, to an environmentthat can't be stimulated at home, get to know of a world beyond just hisparents or close family, learn a language other than his/her mother tongue andalso develop his already evolving sense of observation,' she says. From a morepractical viewpoint, as the world of the family is becoming more and moreinsular, with the decline of the joint family system, working parents and lackof adequate support in terms ofcaregivers, playschools are becoming a necessity rather than a choice for mostparents. Says Soni Sangwan,journalist and mother of four-year old Sonakshi: 'Shona is an only child, social and active; she needed to channelise her energy. Playschool was a perfect fit for her- it made her articulate, she learnt better eating habits and by two years, shewas enjoying the concept of school and this helped her make a smooth transitionto kindergarten.' At playschool, the idea is to involve children in groups to familiarise them with their peers and things that hadearlier been the domain of parents and their homes. For instance, table mannersand toilet training are learnt easier at the preschool. Playschool is trainingground for more formal learning but in most playschools, the alphabet is taughtthrough phonetics.

Time to Move Up: Kindergarten
Remember, each child is different. You must take into account your child'stemperament and aptitude and how well he'll adjust to the new environment andnot just the fact that the alumni of the school consists of the who's who ofthe city or because your older child - who is more of an extrovert than theyounger one - took to it like fish to water. Also keep in mind that today'sfast changing world means that children have to learn more quickly and adaptfaster. They are surrounded by technology, and learn from it too. As Soni says, 'Now my child goes to a school where they havegiven the children a tablet (PC) to make them familiar with the world ofcomputers and she has picked up the basics in no time.' Delhi-based Nymph Kaul,mother of four-year-old Nysha 'did not want aregimented schedule' for her daughter. Shy and quiet Nyshadid not take well to classroom teaching, and Nymph had to change threepre-schools before she settled on one, where the children were allowed freeplay. So, when it came to putting her child in kindergarten, she chose to waitand try for a change of school in a senior class. For both Soniand Nymph, it was important that the values that they had inculcated in theirchild at home should also reflect in the school they chose. 'I went to a lot ofprestigious schools, but found a disconnect betweenwhat they expected from the child and my expectations,' says Nymph. Osama Manzar, director of an NGO, felt that regular schools arestill in the "talk down to the children" mode, where the focus was onteaching the children, not helping them learn. This is one of the reasons whyhe and other parents have sought an alternative way of learning for theirchildren, in schools such as Mirambika (Delhi) and Rishi Valley (Andhra Pradesh).

Off to primary school
Primary school has become less stressful for students today, as most schoolshave done away with the formal exams till Standard V and even in schools thatdo, students are evaluated on the basis of their overall performance in classtests as well as co-curricular activities and not the end-of-year exam results.Says Ramona Thomas, head of the primary wing of the St John's Diocesan Girls'High school, Kolkata, the focus today is on interactive teaching rather than memorising a text or chapter. 'For instance, if a story'stitle is "Skipping Shoes", we will ask the child to associate it withother stories where shoes played an important part, such as Cinderella, to makeit more familiar; and instead of the teacher asking questions, the childrenwill be asked to form their own questions and opinions, leading to a story-hourdiscussion.' With this tech-savvy generation, computer classes are a must too,and formal classes start by Standard III and IV. However, the most importantchallenge, says Ms Thomas is 'helping the child learn the difference between right from wrong. Children at this age are influenced byolder students, and parents and teachers have to take care that this does notlead to them being bullied at school or pressurisedby children to do something untoward.' Says Kolkata-based psychoanalyst DrGunjan Tiwari, 'This is the age when children emulate their parents, who"should walk the talk". This is the time when parents should startbeing role-models for their children.' Have the wisdom to guide them toexperiment, don't push them. Allow them to change their mind but try topersuade them to give their choice of activity a fair chance.

In Middle school
This is the time when the child enters adolescence andis not quite a child and not yet an adult. He is undergoing changes,physically, mentally and emotionally. In school, from being part of the mostsenior students in primary school, he is now among the junior students ofmiddle school. They have to face a barrage of exams, peer pressure, and not toforget, the pesky problem of hormonal changes. This is an age of insecurity, ofconstantly questioning decisions and authority. The usual refrain of parents isthat the children seem to know everything and the parents, nothing. Friendsbecome more important and every activity, every suggestion is met with a"no". Kanchan Churiwala,a teacher says, 'Parents have the tendency to look only at results or thegrades of their children. They don't bother to find out about what they may begoing through emotionally. They need to pay attention to their child, his likesand dislikes and not just his academic performance.' OliBorah, creative director in a Delhiagency and a mother of two agrees. 'Parents should realisethat the parent-child relationship is like any other relationship in life… Whatthe children are really asking is, Do you find meinteresting? Do you think I am important? Parents should pay attention to this,because even if your child is now taller than you and acting all grown-up, heneeds you more than ever before,' she says. And not being sensitive to hisneeds may have disastrous consequences and mar his self-confidence for life.

Tween And Teen Management
Parents today know the words communication, bonding and quality time, but thequestion is do they really understand them? Every talk with their teenagerturns into a confrontation and even going out for a movie with him doesn'tnecessarily improve the quality of their relationship. What communicationreally means is being an active listener - to let the child open up about hislife and problems, and not talking down or lecturing about how life should be.Understanding the problem from your child's perspective and giving an emphaticresponse also helps - for example, if your child declares she doesn't want tostudy, the first response of parents is generally something like this: 'Younever feel like studying,' or 'You are always trying to shirk work' but anemphatic response should be 'You don't feel like studying? Why?' And watch yourtone, it should be neutral. It instantly makes you less judgementaland makes the child understand you are empathsingwith his problem. You need to trust your children, and they will be more thanwilling to put their trust in you. Share your world not your problems: You cantake a child to your workplace, so he understands your world, and the way youspend your day. But in an effort to transform from parent to friend, don'tshare your every little personal problem with your child. Maintain the balancebetween a parent and friend. -Dr Gunjan Tiwari, psychoanalyst and counselor(Kolkata)

In the final years
This is the time when the going gets tough. The focus in most schools is theboard exams. Life boils down to percentages and college applications and inchoosing a discipline - Science, Commerce or Humanities - as most parents thinkthat this can make or break careers. This is also the time when even parentsface severe peer pressure, as they compare grades of their children, colleges,even homework schedules. As a result, the child is also under immense pressureto do well. Parents who were laid back earlier start monitoring their child'sstudies, and tuition classes become the norm. Exams are a time for only studieswithout any respite for the children. 'Most of my friends put a curfew onwatching TV and stop going out because they feel they have to be with theirchild at this time,' says Joyanti Saikia,a Kolkata-based mother. But Dr Sanjay Garg, consultant psychiatrist at Fortishospitals says, 'This can have an adverse effect on the child. No one can studyfor 7-8 hours at a stretch. The child too needs to relax, switch off from thetension and do what he enjoys.' This can lead to not just exam related stressbut conflicts within the family. The other aspect today is that mostuniversities in Indianeed a very high percentage of marks for admission.

Principal Talk
Seema Sapru, Principal,Heritage School, Kolkata, talks of her views on what a school should bring tothe child What is a good school? I feel strongly that if the child is happy inthe school, then it's a good school for him. If the studentswho are at an impressionable age have the supportof the family and teachers, and in an environment conducive to learning (notjust academics), they will do well. Of course to aid that, you need goodinfrastructure, a curriculum designed to help age-appropriate learning, audiovisual aid and quality training for teachers. Each child should beacknowledged. The school should have a variety of activities that make sure thechild feels a sense of achievement in the activity he is good at, and is recognised for his work - whether it is academics, cricket,basketball, dance, classical music, art, rock climbing, martial art or pottery.How has teaching changed? Students are no longer satisfied with the "chalktalk" method, there is no one-way transaction ofcurriculum anymore. Teachers have to be facilitators today,the shift is from teaching to learning. We are beyond mugging and reproducingmatter, today - there is more emphasis on group activities - discussions,working in a team, sharing team responsibilities - promoting independentthinking, using application -based learning - how to observe, research, analyse a subject. Now there are open book exams as wellbut teachers and students need to use it the right way.

Sometimes, a student who gets a score of 94 percent too doesn't make it tothe college of his choice. Paroma Nandwani,a student in Kolkata finds the Indian school system really rigid. 'I am 17 andexpected to map out my entire life, right now. I do have a rough idea of what Iwant and that would include studying diverse subjects, but at colleges here,combining something such as Economics and music would be unthinkable, which isnot the case abroad.' Joyanti Saikiatook the tough decision of shifting her children from DPS Kolkata to aninternational school when her daughter was in Standard X. 'In her previousschool, there were about 45 to 50 students in a class, too much homework andwith the long commute, she used to get irritable. The new school promotesinitiative and participation from the studentwithgroup discussion and debates.' That is the reason SeemaSapru, Principal, Heritage School in Kolkata has introduced anInternational Baccalaureate programme in her schoolas she feels 'it's a programme that enhances criticalthinking, intercultural understanding and citizenry amongst students.'

Guidelines to make your choice of "big school"

It's time for your toddler to join school, but with institutionsmushrooming, new teaching methods sprouting daily, and a wide range of advicefrom your parents and friends on the school your child should go to - whatwould be the right one to pick for your little one? Here are some suggestionsto help you decide:

Network: Talk to other like-minded parents who have school-goingchildren of the same age. Listen, absorb and learn from their experiences.Research: There are a lot of online forums where parents discuss and comparenotes, and give you reviews of the particular school.

Sit in on a lesson: Most schools encourage parents to attend a class toobserve the teacher, teaching methods and the interaction between students andteacher.

Check the teacher-student ratio: Says AlakanandaSen, principal of VIHA, in Bengaluru, theteacher-student ratio should ideally be 1:15. When there are more than 15-20students, the classrooms feel cramped, the teacher doesn't give personalattention to each student, there are larger groups to share a single activityand each child's contribution gets limited.

Attend an open house session: Ask the principal if you can sit in onone of the parent-teacher sessions where you can interact with other parentsand also get feedback.

Reproduced From Good Housekeeping. ©2014. LMIL. All rights reserved.