Happy Friday! (And thank you for all of the birthday wishes yesterday!) While I am still in transit on my way to Rio, I thought I'd share with you this amazing little book I stumbled upon. It's called Talk To Me Like I'm Someone You Love: Relationship Repair in a Flash. Author and psychotherapist Nancy Dreyfus provides 101 flashcards that you can use when "the energy between you and your partner feels more unfriendly than friendly." Dreyfus says the key to connecting is showing a deeper level of vulnerability. And, she notes, everyone is different, so not all of the messages will feel "you"-but there are 101 of them, so get the book and read through them all! Below, I've given one sample message for each category, from the book:
1. Shifting Gears
"I am upset. This doesn't mean that you are a bad person…It means that if you could just listen, I would feel incredibly loved."
2. Setting Limits
"Rather than just criticize me, can you tell me what you want in a more positive way?"
3. Feeling Vulnerable
"When you won't communicate with me, I feel like I'm nothing to you."
Related: How to Turn Good Sex Into Great Sex
4. Taking Responsibility
"I realize I'm overreacting. Can you give me a minute to get sane again?"
5. Giving Information
"I beg you to hear this as me truly wanting you to register my feelings-not as an attack on you."
6. Getting Clarification
"It would mean a lot to me if you could just repeat back to me what you think I'm trying to get across."
"I'm sorry that I acted as if there was only my reality."
"I am not ______, who hurt you in the past. I am ______, who loves you now."
9. Making Up
"It would mean a lot if you could just say 'I'm sorry.' Or do or say something that shows me that you care about what happened."
Related: Your Field Guide to Guys!
Brilliant, huh? Even though I am single now, I soooo could have used these in the past. Now, if you wrote your own flash card, what would it say?MORE FROM SINGLE-ISH: