5 ways to cope with the change that comes your way
September stirs up something. Call it a longing for the way things were or an unwillingness to let go of the summer and all its carefree fun, but fall dramatically ushers in change (back to school, back to the grind), and brings to a head our ability or, well, inability to deal. You don't have to be a Buddhist monk to know that change is one thing we can rely on. So how can we cope with whatever comes our way? Here, five ways to deal with life's curve balls.
Realize your power....and your limits.
We walk around trying to exert our power over the world, and sometimes we do a really good job of convincing ourselves that we have any control over anything at all. We write lists, keep calendars, implement systems of organization. But the truth is, life is one big steaming pot of chaos and unpredictability. The only thing we have control over is ourselves. You can't control when the television repair man will finally make it to your house. You can't control whether your dream guy will call you back. You can't control lay-offs, deaths, and paycuts. But you can control your reaction to these situations. Realizing the limits of your control can help you relax a bit.
Accept your feelings.
Your reaction to a given situation is largely determined by what kind of change we're talking about. But whether it's deep heartache or a plain old whining feeling on Monday morning, the only way to eventually move on from the uncomfortable feelings you're having is to accept that they're there in the first place. Drinking, late night bingeing, and other distractions won't take the feeling away. They delay it with a bit of fun, and then maybe replace the original bad feeling with fresh guilt. Try acknowledging your feeling. Sit with it. This is scary and yucky and unpleasant, but it's kind of like pulling out a splinter; it's an essential part of healing. So what does it feel like? Be specific--is it a knot in your stomach, tension in your shoulder, a lump in your throat? Invite it in and figure out what it's about.
Talk about it.
Friends aren't there just for birthday parties and bridal showers. They want to know what's going on with you on a deeper level. In fact, opening up to a friend gives her the chance to shine and support you. One of the best things about opening up to someone else is realizing that you're not alone. You're not the only on earth or in this situation who has felt this way.
Take the long view.
Let's get personal for a second: I've always had trouble with change. It freaks me out because I tend to assume that this change is the new status quo. Meaning, whatever it is that makes me feel lonely, out of place, or sad is the new way it will be, now and forevermore. It's not. Things will shift again. Life is like an ocean, rolling in and out, ushering onto the beach awesome things like pretty shells and long necklaces of green kelp, as well as garbage bags and dead fish. Zoom out and take the full view. This moment is hard. But brighter days are ahead. This, too, shall pass.
Look for the silver lining
Not to get all Pollyanna on you, but there's a reason why the adage of, "every cloud has a silver lining," exists. Every change offers an opportunity, too. The trick is whether we can find it. Here's another cliche that holds true: What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. No, seriously. So even if a change doesn't offer up a concrete opportunity--a job loss resulting in more time to pursue your passions, for instance--at the very least, every change in life serves up an opportunity for a lesson learned. That's probably how we end up so wise in our golden years.
How do you guys cope with change on the whole spectrum, from big life-changing stuff, to little discomforts?
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