A New Tip to Help You Get Over Your Ex

Dear BrokenHeartedGirl,

A lot of people ask me the complicated question that goes - "how do I get over my ex?" And I think everyone knows that you can't answer that question in one article. Everyone has a different situation, a different timeline and different values. It's unfair to lump everyone into one category, which is why I offer a book that tailors your breakup recovery exercises to your specific situation. But here's a tip that everyone can use:

You know how when you break up with your ex, he's (she's) the only thing you can think about? You stare at your computer and think about him, you watch television and every movie reminds you of him, you hang out with your girlfriends and every guy at the bar/restaurant/ice cream parlor looks like him? It's torture, right? But that's not the worst part. The worst part is when you're lying in bed at night and all you can think about are all of the intimate times you shared with him. Or you lie in bed and just replay every single date you've ever had. And then, of course, you think about what he (or she) is doing right now and of course you're imagining that he is with another woman. Torture!

So try this: when you're lying in bed and you find yourself thinking about your ex, try instead to conjure up a fantasy that doesn't involve him/her. Now, this may sound super sexy, but it doesn't have to be. Sometimes you can think about what you would do if you won the lottery or what you would do if you got a fat Christmas Bonus. Other times, you can imagine what would happen if you met the celebrity you most admire (or the one you are hot for!) and he/she was also interested in you. Or, you can think about that hottie at school/work that you've wondered about and think about what would happen if finally got up the nerve to speak with him/her (or you can think about a steamy session in the office!).

It doesn't matter what you decide to fantasize about, as long as the subject of your daydreams is not your ex. What you choose to think about should be interesting to you and should be a day dream that will make you smile.

Positive daydreams are healthy. They serve as a temporary escape from the demands of reality. Daydreaming is also a good way to release pent up frustrations and leave the world behind. Daydreaming relieves stress, improves attitude, fosters creativity and refreshes the mind, body and spirit.

And if you do decide to go the sexy/steamy route, daydreaming about someone other than your ex is a great start toward getting over him. It'll put you in a frame of mind that allows you to put a cushion between the intimacy you once shared with your ex and the present day reality. And the best part? It will put you on the road to eventually letting someone else take his place.

Take care,

MJ