Dear Whys Guy: "Is It Okay to Be Facebook Friends with Your Ex?"

by Aaron Traister, REDBOOK

DEAR WHYS GUY:

I recently read what you had to say about a guy watching porn is not a big deal, and I agree with you. Here's my question: Is it okay for your husband to look up the women he works with on Facebook? What about his exes? Is it okay for your husband to look up the women he works with on Facebook? What about his exes? -Sara

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DEAR SARA: It's interesting that you're equating porn with Facebook, but I guess I understand where you're coming from. Both porn and Facebook are about on-line voyeurism, since Facebook can be as much about sneaking a peek into someone life as it is about staying in touch.

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Do you think your husband is trying to stay in touch with these women? Does he want to interact with them online? And if so, would you be okay with that? Or, is he lurking on his female co-workers' and exes' FB pages for a bit of an illicit thrill- getting a kick out of peering into their lives and imagining how he might fit into them if he lived in the Bizzaro World? If that's the case, how is it different from the porn you're okay with him watching? Or is he just a total nerd, trying to show off the pictures of the time the dog got stuck in the trash can to as many people as possible? You need to figure out why he's looking up these ladies on Facebook, and, more important, figure out if you're okay with the reason.

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Need help decoding odd male behavior? Redbook columnist Aaron Traister, who lives in Philadelphia with his wife and two kids, is our resident male who is happy to answer any questions you might have about the mind of a man. Either leave your questions in the comments or email him at redbook@hearst.comwith Whys Guy in the subject. Letters, emails, and comments may be edited for clarity and length.

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