Your 8 Dating Worries and How To Fix Them
Quick fixes to calm your nerves and boost your dating ego.
-Carrie Seim, www.BettyConfidential.com
This week on AskMen, relationship writer Andrea Madison lays out eight dating insecurities women sometimes suffer. Before you get all up in arms about women being confident, strong, sexually secure beings and why would anyone dare suggest otherwise?!, let's acknowledge that it's normal for women and men to have stressy thoughts when it comes to the emotional complexities of relationships. If you didn't, you'd be a robot. Or Ryan Seacrest.
Instead of blaming ladies for being dating weaklings, Andrea givesguys eight simple steps to reassure women and boost their dating confidence. (Yaytime!) Because that should be the point of every relationship, right? To make your partner feel happy and secure so that happiness and security will be reflected back upon you? Can we get a copy of this article sent to every man in America?
In case that mailing's not in this year's budget, here are my suggestions on how to problem-solve those eight dating insecuritiesyourself. These are DIY-fixes; no man necessary. The dating gods help those who help themselves!
Read 5 Steps to a "Porn Star Sex Life"
1. Your insecurity: He might not call you after a date.
Your fix: Wait two days, then call him. (If you phone 15 minutes after a date, you risk looking like a lady who boils bunnies. If you wait a week, you risk him doubting your interest.) His quick response (or lack thereof) will give you your answer - no need to agonize longer than necessary.
2. Your insecurity: He might just want you for sex.
Your fix: Use him just for sex. If you're not down with that - don't sleep with him. (Seriously, this one's a no-brainer.) If you're really worried that he might only be interest in banging, then have a conversation before you sneak into the sheets explaining what you want and expect (monogamy? breakfast in bed? $1.7 million?) from the person you're sleeping with.
3. Your insecurity: He's dating other women.
Your fix: Date other men. Please, I am begging you. Until you've both committed to each other completely, you should not give away your exclusivity (women do this constantly to their great detriment). Now, if you're in a committed relationship and you think he's playing you - see number five below.
4. Your insecurity:
He's not that interested.
Your fix: Time for some tough-love. If a guy is interested in you, he shows it. By calling you (before midnight), introducing you to his friends and showing up when he says he will. So if you're insecure because he's not doing these things and he may not be interested, you worry with good reason. It's time to get waaay less interested in him. Cut off your attention and see how he responds - you'll get an accurate reading on his level of interest within 48 hours of radio silence.
5. Your insecurity: He's cheating on you.
Your fix: First, ask yourself if you have a good reason to worry about this. Is there someone in particular who concerns you? Has he cheated in the past? Or are your hormones causing you to imagine a telenovela's worth of betrayal and abandonment for no good reason? If you have legit concerns, talk to him. Immediately. If you still feel uneasy, it could be time to take a breather from the relationship - for your sake and his.
6. Your insecurity: You're not satisfying him in bed.
Your fix: Listen for his reaction, watch his face and feel his, um, response to what you're doing. Then ask for feedback - both before the big event (with flirtatious, sexy questions on what exactly he likes) and during the deed (with more subtle yes/no, harder/softer, thisaway/thataway cues). Also encourage him to let you know what's working and what's not - that conversation on its own will be a huge turn-on.
Read What Men Really Want: Everything You Need to Know About Oral Sex
7. Your insecurity: He's not attracted to you anymore.
Your fix: There's nothing less attractive than a girl who's doubting her hotness. Give yourself a pep talk, some sexies undies and a dose of love from Lady Gaga: "When I wake up in the morning, I feel just like any other insecure 24-year-old girl," she says in Rolling Stonemagazine. "Then I say, 'b---- , you're Lady Gaga, you get up and walk the walk today.'" Walk the walk, bitches!
8. Your insecurity: Another woman is stealing his attention.
Your fix: Tell him to knock off the flirting in front of you. As Andrea says, he can flirt on his own time. And then try one of these 30 little tricks to get his attention back.
Tell us: What are your dating insecurities and how do you fix them?
Carrie Seim, Betty's L.A. Correspondent, is a writer and comedian keeping it real in L.A., New York and @ carrieseim.com.
To read more from BettyConfidential:
