My name is Melissa and I approve this message

Confession time: I don't really follow politics, so you can imagine how much I was dreading this month's Yahoo! Motherboard topic. It's not that I don't care about the issues, because I do. However, I find myself so incredibly turned off by politicians that I can barely stomach this time of year. The mud-slinging campaign ads running on a constant loop are laughable at best, and while they make great fodder for SNL spoofs I can't switch the channel fast enough. These people should really be ashamed of themselves.

So instead of attempting to pontificate on a topic I know close to nothing about, I'm going to offer some motherly advice to the candidates.

1. Don't call my house. Ever. I mean it. Especially at 9:00 on a school night when all my kids are asleep. I know you're magically immune to the "Do Not Call List" rules, but throw me a bone, will you?

2. If you can't resist the urge to disturb me in my home, have the decency to pick up the phone yourself instead of sending an automated voice recording to do your dirty work. Yelling at a machine isn't nearly as satisfying as chewing out a live person.

3. Play nice. Unless your opponent regularly dines on filet of puppy hearts with a side order of roasted kitten paws, he/she probably doesn't deserve the ad you decided to run. How about focusing on what you can do to help the public instead of the naughty email your opponent sent to one of his co-workers? Sex scandals are so 1995.

4. Stop kissing babies. I've got three of my own and they're germ factories. Just tonight my youngest pooped something that required a hazmat suit to clean up. And let's get real for a minute. No one really likes other people's kids that much. Save the kissing for your spouse and/or the recipient of your naughty emails.

So there you have it--motherly words of wisdom from a mom who's tired of politics as usual. You can also find me over at Fits "N" Giggles.