User Post: Mom, there are some things I want you to know

Mom, there are times that I think you might wonder why I write about the memories I have of dad, yet I don't always talk about the memories I have of you. We're still making memories, which I'm extremely thankful for. My memories of dad are fading and that scares me, so I write about them to try and hold on to them.

I don't ever want you to think that I don't appreciate you or don't have fond memories of us. Oh, I don't even want to think about not being able to pick up the phone and hear your voice or see a comment from you on my blog or have a chat with you over Skype. Life is unpredictable and out of our control, so now is as good a time as any to remind you how much I love you and how blessed I am that you are still in my life.

Remember sometimes when I was little and I would get upset out of nowhere and tell you that I didn't want you or dad to die? I don't know where those feelings came from but you always comforted me when I had those emotional breakdowns. Then, when dad did pass away, you held me at his wake while we both sobbed and said our goodbyes. Thank you for that. No one could have comforted me more at that moment than you.

Remember when you thought I was abandoning you when I moved away? That hurt, both of us. Abandoning you was the furthest thing from my mind. Me moving away was about learning how to live life and follow my heart. I was afraid of it all but I was brave enough to make it happen. We can look back now and although there are still rough patches, I think it was one of the best decisions I've ever made. Thank you for not stopping me. I will never forget how my heart sank as I drove away, yet how excited I was about my new future. It was bittersweet.

Remember how you used to tell me that if I didn't have the money for it up front, I shouldn't buy it? Well, we both know how I'm still learning that lesson but thank you for caring enough to teach me. I will always hear those words and will continue practicing money management. (By the way, it really sucks.)

Remember when you dropped everything and traveled 600 miles to take care of me when I didn't make it to a full term pregnancy? Thank you so much for being brave enough to get to me. I know that took a lot of courage. I don't know how I would have gotten through that time without you. I am so thankful that you were there for Hailey's birth.

Even though we don't get to go shopping together or go out for dinner or movies on a regular basis, I couldn't be more grateful for the relationship we have. It's good for me to hear your point of view, even though we don't always agree. Just think about how boring our conversations would be if we always agreed!

I love that we have technology to help break apart the distance between us. I know it doesn't make up for the fact that when I want to hug you, I can't. Or how sometimes, I wish I could just hide in my old bedroom like a little kid. But sometimes I feel like there really aren't hundreds of miles between us. I know when I need you, I can reach you right away.

I wish times were easier for us right now, so that I could plan a trip to see you whenever I wanted. It used to be that way and it's frustrating for me that now, when I should be able to visit you more often, I can't. It's claustrophobic and I have nightmares that I'm stuck in one spot and can't move forward. I don't know how long we'll be in this place but I genuinely hope that this rough patch passes quickly. Thank you for understanding and standing by me through my difficult times.

Thank you for being a wonderful role model for me throughout my life. I have always been proud to be your one and only daughter. You are appreciated and loved so much. I am who I am because of you. Please remember that.

I love you.